On January 3, 2026, while most of the world was still hungover from New Year's, the United States military bombed Caracas, extracted President Nicolás Maduro in handcuffs, and flew him to New York to face narco‑terrorism charges. Five days later, the White House announced it would control Venezuelan oil sales "indefinitely" and decide how the proceeds get spent. Call it what it is: regime change as a subscription service.
It’s not the One Ring enslaving everyone – it’s a small titanium band on my finger that has been politely, but relentlessly, confronting me with numbers for almost twelve days. No fiery lidless eye, just a sleep nerd that tells me every morning how serious (or not) my body took my longevity plan the night before.